Wrath of the Long Queues

While waiting for the 1497 people who got off work before I did, I think I’ll share a special message from our very own Elemo:

Salutations most favorable patron of our unostentatious web presence! We find ourselves in want of additional clansmen to bolster our ranks at this juncture in our association’s journey within the virtual divertissement known as World of Warcraft. Situated within the mechanical construct of Cenarius, Pirate primarily engages in the “score and quarter” element raiding metagame. All stripes and strains sharing our particular determination should audition within the appropriate forum. God’s speed.

Anyway, I’ve been slacking on the posting, but we’re currently cruisin’ to 80 (those of us who aren’t already there) and conquering as we go. Looking forward to resuming a raid schedule once we have a sufficient amount of 80s geared up.

November 19th, 2008 by Willan

Recruitment

We are currently looking for 1 feral druid, 2 resto shamans, a well geared shadow priest, warlock, and holy paladin.

If you are interested please contact Farlin, Thalar, or Fitzcairn.

June 5th, 2008 by Farlin

Arch you glad there’s an update?

Belated, but it’s here: an update on our progress.

Since the last bit of intoxicated correspondence (edited four times, and still inflammatory and inappropriate!) we’ve downed several new bosses, in several old zones. Canadians (turns out all our rogues are Canadian, or close to it) still reign supreme for screenshots, although they’re getting lazy and I’ve had to crop a few. Let it be known, though, that as of this post Canadians do not have a monopoly on the screenshots that have been posted, so keep your submissions coming!

BT:

Ring of Scale

Your mother went dow... I'm sorry.

MH:

Myamoto: 1, Kaddish: 0

Blue shells? Honestly Blizzard, what will you think of next!? Is Naxx 2.0 going to be full of zerglings and firebats?

Anyway, speaking of future expansions… Here in Pirate, we always attempt to plan for the future. With this ever-present goal in mind, we’ve formulated a tentative plan for dealing with the projected influx of main changes (as well as applications) to Death Knights. In brief, we are limiting both main changes and applications to and of, respectively, Death Knights to those of gnomish lineage. Please understand that this policy is not due to any racial prejudice, it is instead the culmination of much analysis and discussion of potential pros and cons.

Also, OVER 9000 Night Elves liek mudkipz!

May 14th, 2008 by Willan

The face of a man who has tasted fear!

Jesu! You all know him, or do you? Let’s be honest, he’s a misguided rogue that unfortunately failed to choose gnome, when prompted for race, and yet just happens to be in the right place at the right time! (this is Hollywood lingo for hot action)

Anyway, although he isn’t a gnome he does take a good screenshot (and gives a good hj) so here goes:

Do not share needles with someone whose last name is 'Bloodboil!'

Hey, it’s a good thing I don’t write updates when I’m inebriated, right?

March 4th, 2008 by Willan

The gnomish war council convenes… madness ensues!

So much to tell! The past month and a half have been packed full of excitement for us. We broke into Mount Hyjal and the Black Temple, and have been wreaking havoc since first contact. With the last update, I promised results… well, sad to say I’ve been slacking on posting, but the promised results are here!

In the Battle of Mount Hyjal, we’ve taken down Rage Winterchill, Anetheron, Kaz’rogal, and Azgalor. Four of five ain’t bad, amirite? As far as the Black Temple goes, we’ve killed High Warlord Naj’entus, Supremus, Shade of Akama, and Teron Gorefiend. Next up is Gurtogg Bloodboil… let’s be honest though, with a name like that he’s just begging for someone to put him out of his misery.

In an unnecessary move to circumvent skepticism, I present the newest set of kill shots:

Not so Supre, are ya!?

I won't even repeat this guy's nickname :(

We're just Teron it up, aren't we?

Yes, once again, our rogues came through. Jesu, to be exact. Congratulations for being an excellent photographer! You may pass Go, however you do not collect $200.

In other gnews, this weekend saw the first of many gnomish war councils. Policy changes were made, drinks were consumed, policy changes were reversed, yet more drinks were consumed, sexual harassment lawsuits were provoked… I’m sure you can infer the rest. Many thanks to everyone who made such a special gathering possible — it is quantifiable proof that the relationships we form while playing WoW transcend the game and are, in fact, perhaps even more genuine than many of the transitory connections we make at school, work, and (in the case of our mages, warlocks, and rogues) in the bar.

But enough of the sappy stuff! The ultimate outcome of this weekend’s war council, in which every class* was represented, was a general decision that due to the discrimination experienced by gnomes as a result of the tragic loss of their homeland to level 30 troggs, the guild ought to set right the injustices of past decades and provide reparations.

The culmination of the weekend was when Gnidget, in a drunken rage, proclaimed: “From gnow on, thar shall be twice the dkp for gnomes as thar is fer othar, lesser races…” At this point, he turned to me with a conspiratorial wink and berated the nightstand, continuing: “Yesh, thash right, I be talkin’ ’bout NIGHT ELFSH!! Take that, Lubor! Why gnot take a trip to Ak’Anon an’ ashk the rogue guildmashter where to find your corpsh?” To be honest, I’m not quite sure where he was going with that; all I know is that from now on, gnomes will receive a 2x multiplier for all raid attendance. (Gnomettes will receive 2.5x!)

* All classes of course refers to every class that gnomes choose to be, because the rest of the “classes” are just icing on the cake, yeah?


But what would a front page post be, without a recruiting plug? The critics demand, so here ya go!

Hate “Lost”? Can’t stand that self-righteous jerk-off, Jack? Locke is just too damn crazy, Kate is too flaky, they killed off the hot blond in Season 2, and Hugo reminds you too much of yourself? Don’t worry… I won $114 million in the lottery too, we each bear our own respective cross. Nonetheless, if you find yourself lonely and bored on Thursday nights, with a mean itch to kick some ass and rock some PvE content, there’s a significant chance that we need you just as much as you need us. Head on over to the Join page, look it over, and submit an app. Bonus dkp is available if you spoil the episodes for the people who care too much to pay attention to the raid!

February 24th, 2008 by Willan